Friday, June 29, 2013
Jacob J Brings Home Stellar Report Card
Ecstatic teenager allowed to keep electronics; advances to grade 11
Winnipeg, MB - Following a productive second semester in the tenth grade, Jacob J proudly brought home an impressive final report card. By earning grades that ranged from 77 to 97, the Winnipeg high school student successfully completed grade ten and, much to his own delight, prevented the disposal and/or sale of his Xbox, Wii, computer, clock radio, iPod, cellular telephone, television, PVR and Nintendo DS.
"Hooray! I get to keep my electronics," said the ecstatic, video game-addicted teenager. "It would have been a long, dull summer with nothing but a stick and a rock to keep me occupied. What good are thumbs if you can't use them?"
Jacob's second semester grades were the result of hard work, dedication, and a suspiciously "light on the academics" timetable.
On his final report of the 2012/13 school year, Jacob received 97 in drama, 85 in Triple Threat, 79 in Physical Education, and 77 in Spanish. The passing grade in Spanish is particularly impressive because the majority of the students in the combined class had previously taken "Español" and it was Jacob's first attempt at learning a foreign language.
Jacob's mother had nothing but praise for her brilliant (and unusually tall) son. Upon receiving word of Jacob's grades, the remarkably youthful Rebecca Hadfield let out sigh of relief.
"Academically, the boy takes after me," said Ms. Hadfield. "He can also credit me with his talent, dramatic flair, sophisticated palate, keen wit, sparkling personality, sense of humour and good looks. The red hair, however, remains a mystery."
The summer months will be full of adventure for the freckle-faced 15 year old, who has been accepted into the prestigious Leaders in Training (L.I.T.) program at Manitoba Pioneer Camp. Jacob plans to spend some quality time at home enjoying technology, indoor plumbing and processed foods until his departure for camp in mid-July.
Unless he is eaten by a bear, Jacob will make his triumphant return to Grant Park High School in September.